Ladies and Gentlemen (assuming we have some of the *ahem* fairer sex on here...). Introducing our very first 'Featured Review' on GSF. Ofcourse, we had to have a very special person pop our cherry on here, and who better than the man himself, Eddie DcCullen.
Dick for Hire by FL95
Rec by goldenmeadow (aka Miss Rie) and Eddie DcCullen of Dead Confederates
goldenmeadow: OMFG my head was so goddamn boggled by the crime syndicate, the cocky motherfuckin’ Edward Cullen Dick for Hire (connotations much?), and well…um…okay, see right there? I already damn lost it.
Eddie: Why don’t you start with the Dick’s Chick, Rie?
goldenmeadow: *grumbles* Figures. Alrighty then. This Bella, she’s all over the place, and she’s not only got a pretty face but the smarts to go with it. She’s been taken on to work a murder…that The Dick is already hired for. So he’s pissed and probably expecting a Dick Dyke--because that Dick can be a stereo-fucking-typical prick without even trying--but then they meet. And sparks fly immediately! Territorial, hormonal, and did I say they both carry guns? Bella’s damn fresh. Streetwise, but similarly naïve and innocent. She’s just as likely to flush and flounder as fuckin’ tear you a new one with one stare from her narrowed eyes and a grip of her fingers on her weapon.
Eddie: Now we’re talking. I love me a woman who can handle a firearm, close-goddamn-range. She can take a bead on you down the barrel and bring you to your knees with one click, one lick. Sassy, succulent…and sweet as hell.
Quote:
It was the lace undies turn now, and those, I knew I had to be careful with.
I got down on my knees and started to pull at them gently.
Because I fucking knew Alice would kill my ass for ruining a creation of hers, that's fucking why.
Her legs rubbed against each other as I slide the material down and off of her, and I kissed the inside of her thigh through the fishnet, unable to fucking resist the soft milky skin just begging me to…fucking manhandle her.
I left the god damn boots on.
The only piece of material left on her was the damn bra, and I wasn't gonna be able to get that off without ripping it, so I left it, but pulled the material down around her breasts, encompassing them both, so I could suck on each of her nipples, and she arched her god damn back again, driving the hardness of them into my mouth even more.
I fucking had to bite it. I couldn't help myself.
And she liked that shit, because she hissed at me, and that was my motherfucking compass.
My mouth traveled up her chest, to her neck, and then her jaw, landing finally on her mouth because I just couldn't stay the fuck away from that mouth of hers.
God I wanted that mouth on my dick again.
But not now.
This was all The Swan.
I leaned my forehead against hers, noting the struggling she was doing, wanting to use her hands, but she couldn't, and I stepped back a little, taking her in, cuffed to a god damn wall, with practically no fucking clothes on.
No god damn words ladies and gentlemen.
"Jesus," escaped my mouth.
"Like what you see, Master?" she asked me breathlessly, blushing like a motherfucker.
goldenmeadow: Fuuuuuuck. Yes.
Eddie: Yeah.
goldenmeadow: *startles and clears throat* Where were we?
Eddie: Dickin’ around?
goldenmeadow: Oh yeah, about that Dick. A slouch, but so determined—in his own layabout-pass-out on his office sofa-Patron drinkin’ way. He is a dick in every sense of the word, a real prick—or he thinks he is—and he’s a pretty one. The most bizarre thing is he’s oddly romantic, a real Longfellow/Goodfella (know what I mean?). I can’t even make him out, but damn if I don’t wanna make out with him-
Eddie: Rie, your Tourette Syndrome is showing…can we get back to beautiful boobs Bella?
goldenmeadow: Maybe we ought to talk about the story?
Eddie: *pouts sexily and adjusts himself and curses in a surly way*
goldenmeadow: Honestly, I fell so hard for this because the conspiracies are killer. The reader doesn’t know up from down, right from wrong…and neither does Dickward. He’s happily jerking his junk and getting on with his own messed up existence, and then along comes Bella-with-a-badge. And the web she weaves has him both gunning to get in her g-string and questioning her at gunpoint. Is she with him? Does she want him, truly? Is she playing him? Seriously, ‘Fuckin-A’ seriously, this is mind-fucking at its filthiest, funniest, hottest finest. And with some very wicked finesse c/o FL95’s precise pen-wielding.
Eddie: And they fuck a lot…and point weapons at each other…and the bitter battlement of reality sets in, yeah?
goldenmeadow: Well, said, Eddie. Then there’s the whole Cullen family dynamic: it’s a Christly mess! Edward won’t speak to his father, Carlisle; The Dick’s been labeled the black sheep of the family who only wants to be balls deep in women. Straight-arrow brother Emmett is up and coming on the DC PD, with which Edward has a hate-hate relationship. Then there’s Jessica—this is a Jess you want to be your BFF…except…--and Seth. My Lord, Seth! The homeless boy who makes The Dick’s heart apparent through his usual diatribes on cunt-fuckery and criminals and cooter.
Eddie: Jesus Christ, you know I only read this shit because of that prettily packaged pussy, right?
goldenmeadow: *rolls eyes like a Magic-8 ball* Baby, hush up now. There’s screwy Newton, also on the Force, and Aro…seriously, if you wake up with a horse head in your bed, I bet he’s behind it. And at the end…after bombs and harassment and ducking behind dumpsters in back alleys because bullets are whizzing in the city—through it all The Dick is jizzing, and Jasper is a damn cybernetic-hot-geek-genius with the TNT know-how—you will not know which end is up.
Eddie: Usually my dick, baby, and your knees.
goldenmeadow: Don’t I know it, darlin’. But really, the tone is right-fuckin’-on. The lingo excellent, the drama escalating. This is genius, gorgeous, sexy with a side of comedy and a helping of a hundred or so heart-stopping moments.
Eddie: Wait a goddamn minute! Did we point out Bella, and the sweet sidearm and the way she wields it? What about the wall-fucking? Because I think that hot shit needs to be replayed, reiterated, repeated…again.
goldenmeadow: Yeah, well…maybe we should leave that tasty morsel for the readers to uncover themselves. Now this, this made me friggin’ hold my heart and scream at FL95, “Don’t end it here!”
Quote:
Even though I didn't fucking have it, but I wouldn't need it, I was either gonna get some goddamn answers and get out, or die trying. Either way, I was settled.
By the time Midnight rolled around, I was waiting and ready at the North end of the Mall as the red Ferrari pulled up to a spot and parked about twenty-five, maybe fifty feet away from me.
I'd figured the car would be part of what was coming, along with who the hell had been driving it all this time. I also figured, whoever the driver turned out to be, could tell me where the fuck Bella was, and then I could go get her ass out of whatever shit she was in.
As I walked up to the car and started to see who was seated in it though, half of me cringed, as I only vaguely recognized the person sitting there.
I hadn't been sure that I was ready to get this particular answer to my theories, but it was time.
Her head was down, but my gut was talking pretty goddamn loudly, and I could barely get the words to form, as I realized who she was. I pulled my Colt out, feeling a surge of both anger and relief, which was, fucking confusing to say the least and as I neared her, I noticed no one around, although I figured they were there, somewhere.
My heart hurt, and I felt like there was something that needed to be said, but nothing was coming to me.
She wouldn't look at me, and I was pretty fucking sure she was crying, although I had no idea if the tears were because she finally had to face me, or because she knew what the consequences would be when I finally found her out.
All I could do was stand there, waiting, until finally, I spoke her name, waiting for her to look at me once and for fucking all and even as I said it, everything just felt...wrong.
"Jess?"
goldenmeadow: Love, hate, fuck…love…kill? Now, there’s ten thousand (more) AH fics out there. But this one, it fuckin’ grabbed me, twisted me inside out, made me pound out reviews and beg for more…
Don’t forget to check out the sequel, The Dick in Me, also here at the Giggle Snort Files.
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